Workout Regime Day 72 and ReStart

 Seventy-two days ago I started on a journey to finally rid myself of fat and have the smooth toned body I'd always dreamed of. Seventy-two days later I've lost only 7 pounds, coming in at 232.2, and while this is only 2.2 pounds away from being in the -20's of my ideal weight range according to my height, I feel like I should have done better.

I read somewhere that people's rigidity is what often causes them to fail at their weight loss goals or in other words they can't encourage themselves to keep going once they've messed up their routine or gotten a little carried away with the snacks. Like their psychology is: 'I've already messed up so why bother trying anymore?' 

But I don't want to be that way. I'm NOT going to be that way. And you want to know why? Because I want this too much and I've given up too many times. So instead of giving up this blog and stopping posting, I'm continuing as if nothing is amiss. By the way, I haven't worked out since December 9th and even still, I've been watching what I've been eating and sticking to my eating rules...mainly to look at the nutritional values and serving sizes and have an eating cut off time...and through that I've lost 1.2 pounds since the last time I'd posted. It's not a landslide and it isn't where I hoped to be by now but it is something. It is a small victory. 

Tonight I started up my work outs again by doing a fifteen minute warm-up (stretching is an important part of every health and exercise regime) a five minute mini-exercise and then a twenty minute video program called 'Upper & Mid fix' that works out your core and upper body. I'm sure to be sore tomorrow, which coincidentally is when I actually take my first boot camp class. Yes I said I was going to do it last time I posted but that never happened (at the time I blamed it on my workout partner also not going, but only *I* am responsible for my own actions). 

I felt the need to update my blog today to remind me of where I came from, why I started this, and how important it is to my continued perseverance. There's a quote from the movie "Hitch" starring Will Smith that I like. He says, "Do you know the definition of perseverance Miss Melas?" - "Continuing a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure." I love how sometimes some of the most relevant words or phrases in our lives can come from movies. For me it has always been that way. My uncle once said to me he'd heard that there's a message in everything we see or hear. Everything. And I believe there is and I am choosing to take that message from "Hitch" to heart.

My goals are still the same. Lose thirty pounds from the start weight of 239.2 and decrease my belly and waist size by an average of 10 inches or more. This marks the start of another 30 day period where I will restart and re-energize my health and activity. I say 30 days because in 30 days is when I'll be moving from my current location back to where I came from and consequently when I cancel my gym membership. It'll be tough to continue my regime after I don't have a gym but I have myself and I have my motivation. The rest is just details. 

Like I said in my very first post of this Regime: I'm approaching this as if this were cancer. My fat is my cancer. I don't want to look in the mirror and frown. I don't want to be unhappy with my body and continue only to accept it. I can't truly be happy in my life if I can't truly be happy in my own skin. Enter any other noun with that you'd like. I can't truly be happy in my/a/with __________ if I can't truly be happy in my own skin (i.e. in my life/in a relationship/with my self). It is so true. Another thing I believe. Happiness must come from within or you are not truly happy. 

When you look at my posts after today, the counter will have started over and my next post should say: 'Day 1' or whichever day it happens to be. 

Stats:

Beginning weight: 239.2
Current weight: 232.2
Total Weight Lost: 7 lbs. 

I haven't measured my belly or my waist again but there's the fact that since I've started, instead of only being able to use the first hole in latching my belt, I've been needing to go to the second hole. (Insert dirty joke here.)

Anyway, whoever you are (if there is anyone) reading this, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that in some way I have helped you or inspired you. 


Picture from: 

 http://img.alibaba.com/img/pb/391/082/270/1286510708426_hz-cnmyalibaba-web3_204797.jpg

Workout Regime, Day 33

In some ways, I'm pleased, and in others I'm not. I'm still in my workout regime but for the past two weeks I haven't done much physical activity. I was called away from where I've been staying (and where, consequently, my gym membership is) to house sit for my mother because she's trying to sell her house and prepare it in as many ways possible.

While there I cleaned, painted (which believe it or not was an arduous task) and went on small walks (which I don't count so much as 'exercise'...at least not the type I need to be focusing on.)

All of this was my own doing; I had access to work out videos but I chose not to do them. I happen to be doing this regime with a buddy and so without her, I was lacking a lot of motivation. BUT I did watch what I ate while I was there, controlled my portions, and still kept track of my calories. Even now, when I've stopped logging my food diary, I look at the nutrition information on mostly everything that I buy or put in my mouth. (Haha). 

Today, I went with my buddy to the gym (I've returned from the house) and we got started on some light aerobic exercise to get us both started back up (apparently I'm not the only one who wasn't sticking to it). I logged 16 minutes high energy walking on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the...well I think *a* brand name for it is gazelle. That should give you an idea of what machine it was (I'm not certain how its spelled at the moment). We ate a light dinner (perfect portions) and that was the night.

I hopped on the scale tonight, sure that I was doomed to start all over from the beginning, and was mildly appeased to find my weight coming in at 233.4 pounds. I started this blog 32 days ago at 239 pounds. So in 30 days I've lost a grand total of 6 pounds. I am absolutely positive that if I were to have kept going at the pace I had been going for these past two weeks, I would have dropped significantly more than that. I'm estimating 10 to maybe 12 pounds. 

So the key now is to continue moving -- and HARD. I have a weightlifting class tomorrow, then on Friday I have boot camp and I'm really excited about that because I know it'll really work me out. I'm not sure about Saturday but I think I might have cycling then (also another fat buster). 

I have the rest of December until I decide what to do about my gym membership. You see, I might be moving away near December 31st and I won't have access to a gym membership anymore since this one was furnished to me and as of right now I can't spare the expenses for it alone. Therein lies the challenge ahead. I'm definitely going to continue to workout, because this is a lifestyle change not a diet or a phase, but the question will just be how I'm going to approach it. 

I wanted to update this blog because I promised myself I would. I do this so that I can keep on my mind exactly what is happening with my routine and to track my progress from where I've started. In another week I'll weigh myself again and also take my new measurements (although I don't think there will be too much change in those, but I guess you never really know). 

By the way, isn't the guy in the picture just fierce? I picture myself looking that way and it makes me want to hop on a treadmill right now and run 30 miles and then hop off and weight lift for hours and then do 12 video sessions. I know that would be impossible and harmful to my body but the point is I'm motivated. I'm still in the war, I'm still raging in my battles. 

Je ne suis pas fatty gay.

Picture from: 
  Here

Work Out Regime, Day 1, November 5

 Hello readers and non-readers alike! I am once again starting my weight loss journey, this time, a little more knowledgeable, prepared and less desperate to pretend that I believe in myself. 

I've overcome some obstacles in the past year and I continue to overcome them; I've proved to myself a few times now that I can do anything, literally anything, that I set my mind to. I know that sounds like such a cliche, but did anyone ever stop to consider that there's a reason it is a cliche in the first place? It may be used so much because it is important to remember. 

As I was saying in the beginning of this post I am better prepared this time. I've taken my measurements, weight and I'm starting a food log where I'll list what I eat, the nutrition facts, a rating of how healthy the food is (1 being unhealthy, 5 being Super healthy), and how hungry I feel at the time I've eaten it. I'll do this for a week and then switch to every other week in order to gain an idea of my eating habits, conscious and unconscious. 

Meditation is also a part of my workouts now. I'm still using the pictures in my blog posts to motivate me and I'm also using visualization at the end of each night, to imagine where I want my body to be at the end of the Regime. Of course it won't ever really be over, I'll still maintain a healthy and active lifestyle, but I'm talking about after I lose the 30 to 40 pounds that I want to. 

So with that in mind, I'm using this blog to talk about my journey, keep track of these numbers and generally keep motivated and focused on my goals. After the cut will be numbers and pictures of my body as it is now. I warn you that it isn't pretty, but it also doesn't reveal my identity by not showing my face and so I'm more comfortable sharing these 'before' photos in order to mark my progress when I take my 'after' photos. Today is Day 1 and December 31st marks the end of the trial period where I'll blog about my weight loss. 

Without further ado, the Before:

Day 1: "Small changes, are still changes."

'So what have you done today, to make you feel proud?' The line from my myspace page shouts at me. Now don't worry, I don't need a straight jacket and my page hasn't gone haywire. No it's the song 'Proud' that was featured in the last episode of Queer as Folk.

Today hadn't been a good day for me. I was feeling down in the dumps about my recent 'break-over' and I didn't really feel like socializing. But I called an old friend anyway. We had coffee and dinner together and then just hung out at her house. She's a senior, just like me, and we've been best friends since 8th grade. Recently with everything going on in both of our lives we've lost touch but today we regained it. It was like old times.

It made me feel good that even though some friends and I haven't talked in a while it doesn't mean they don't care about me. That was a good feeling you know, being cared about? So I made a choice at 10:00 p.m.

I decided to get off my ass again and re-start my exercise regime. I stopped because of the play. I'm sure I can come up with a million reasons not to start up again. But I made a promise to myself, and I need to fulfill that promise now more than ever: to care about myself no matter what.

I don't know if I've already said this in a previous post but you know what they say about repitition. One part of my personal dogma is that you can never be truly happy in a relationship unless you are happy on your own first. I don't know who gave me the idea or why I believe it so feircely but I do.

With that in mind I'm trying to get back on track, a track that'll lead to a better me. And really I don't have to become a supermodel tomorrow, because aside from the fact that it isn't possible, I just have to realize that even the small steps count. As long as the steps are going in the right direction.

I just need to refocus my energy again, energy that was, until recently, directed at being angry and frustrated and sad with my ''ex''. Hell, maybe by the time I'm finished I'll look so good that I won't care what he thinks anymore.

You see, most of my life, all I wanted was to be accepted and loved by someone, anyone. I am working towards not needing and wanting that from anyone, because it's unhealthy. I don't want to have to depend on someone else to be my sun and my moon...it would just be nice if that were the way I saw someone I cared about. If not, then oh well.

I have to get to that place with myself that I'm happy and I can take my shirt off at the pool or not have to suck my gut in for pictures. It's not about the fact that I believe I'm overweight. I know people who are large, and larger than life...and LOVING it. But I'm just not one of those people.

So anyway, thank you for reading, or even if no one is, I just am thankful to finally be getting on the road again.

-J-

Work Out Regime, Day 2: No Pain, No Gain

Well folks, I've made it. Two days. Not in a row mind you, this is actually day three, but I am only counting the days that I work out. So the title is 'No pain, No gain'.

And let me tell you, I was in a fxck load of pain. I was so sore from exercising that everytime I sat down people gave me the 'I-know-what-you-did-last-night' look. I was embarrased! Such is life, I suppose.

However today, I knew that if I didn't work out then I would be on the track to failure again. In my theory, the first couple of days/weeks are the most important, because if you give up during those times then you have no hope of success. It takes 21 days to form a habit (at least that's what I've read) so if I can just do this for April, then chances are I'll be used to it.

I've been working out to 'Carmen Electra's Strip Aerobics.' Oh I know what you're thinking. "HA. What a work out! NOT." But let me tell you one of my personal philosophies. Don't bash it until you've tried it. There is a disc in her series that has her personal trainer on it, showing you various core exercises. There's a program you can select that says '30 minute total body workout.'

And it means total body workout. It targets each area of your body: legs, glutes, arms, stomach, chest, etc. So even though I was super sore from two days ago, I toughened up and took one for the team.

An interesting thing occured and helped me motivate myself. All I had to do was think of why I was doing this. First I thought of other people, and all the put-downs they had ever said about my weight. That got me fired up! But then I stopped and paused the video. I wasn't going to continue if this was for everyone else. So I refocused. I am doing this for myself, first and foremost. (Showing the others that I can do it, is just the icing on the cake).

I realize how much I am in need to be healthier and how much better my quality of life can be if I would just take care of myself. Not to mention the fact that I will make things easier for myself as I grow older.

It's hard getting back on track after being on the sidelines for so long, but...you know what? I'm proud of myself, and besides. Life is there for us to live, it isn't there for us to observe.

So I've stopped observing.

and I'm beginning to live.

Work Regime, Day 1.

Hello...to...anyone who's reading this. Not that I really think there's anyone out there who is pouring over my every word about Exercise.

Never-the-less, here I am. I'm trying going to be exercising four times a week, every week in april, and then after that it's all down hill from there. It all becomes habit (after 21 days) or so I've heard.

You know the funny thing is, I'm really starting to get a different view about my life, and I swore to myself that I wouldn't. Not because having a different view is bad, it's just that I didn't think it would happen. I thought I would view exercising the way I always have: with distaste.

But it turns out the only thing I'm looking at with distaste now-a-days is my own body. So I'm taking into account all the health stuff that is drummed into us by all those 'health-nuts' and running with it. I'm going to bed earlier, I'm not drinking soda, I'm not eating anything after seven and I'm working out at LEAST three times a week for thirty minutes.

Before we get too off-hand, let me just say 'Don't you just LOVE that guy in the picture?' I've decided to start motivating myself by visualizing the type of body I want. I want to look like that, and of course I know it will take more than a month, but I want to get on the road to becoming that.

I graduate in early may, and I turn 18 in early may as well. Then I go off and start Jeremie's Awesome Adventure in college, due August. So with all these changes happening, I thought, 'heck, why not change with the times?' and so here I am.

Though I'm not kidding myself. I know it isn't going to be easy. That point was proven to me today by my first work out getting back in the saddle. God it killed me. I wanted to just keel over and throw up, then pass out. Then several hours later regain consciousness, throw up again and then die.

But really, it is time I started being more adult about the things in my life. So far I've coasted through things: My grades, my job, my weight. I've just let all these things slide to a point where, if someone were scrutinizing my life, they would think I didn't care about myself. Not true.

For a while I didn't really care, but we all have those rough patches. I was getting over a bad ''break-up'' to be honest. Which wasn't really a break up because I wasn't in a relationship with the other person, but I was actually in love with someone who didn't return my feelings.

Now I've made a great...RETURN! With homework and play practice and all that in between, I'm fitting in an exercise regime. I must be out of my fxcking mind. No but really, to motivate myself, I'm using the ever popular 'Nike' phrase that got some lucky advertising bastard a million dollar raise (probably) "Just Do It".

I'm going to keep a record of this month, to prove to myself and to others that I can do this. I will no longer be called an ogre, I will no longer be ashamed to take off my shirt at a pool. I will flirt with any outrageously cute guy I want. But most importantly, I will begin to find the beauty in myself.

To conclude, I'm ready for this now. Are you?

CELEBRATE

Hey everyone. It's me. I'm back again, and with GREAT news! My prom shirt, which I wore to last year's prom around the december time period, didn't fit me for a long long time afterwards.

Well upon trying it on a few days ago, I found something amazing...IT FITS! I can button it and everything! Now the only thing I need to do is get it to fit and make it look good.

Meaning I have to lose my big belly first. Yes my belly is slimming little by little, but it still needs work.

So the exercise thing isn't going so well lately. I've been making excuses again, saying I've got too much homework or that it's too late. Well screw that! I'm done doing that. I want to be happy!

To do so, and stop making excuses I've set apart a time of day where I'm going to do nothing else, and at that exact time of day is when I'll work out. No matter what else I have going on, I'll stop and do that. Period. The end. Good bye.

That way, even if I'm busy, I can say to myself "Hey. Bitch. It's about that time. Get steppin ho."

Anyway, after finding out that I had lost weight, and that my prom shirt from last fit me I went downhill from there. You see my best friend Tarin just recently got dumped (again) by her (ex) boyfriend David. It's so sad. She was so heartbroken. Tarin never cries and she was balling over the phone to me.

I (being the good friend that I am) went out and bought a bunch of chocolate, gathered up my grunge clothes and chick flicks, and headed that way. But she called me while I was coming over there, and said that she didn't feel up to hanging out that night (basically bailing on me for the second time in a ROW) and asked if I was doing anything the next day. I said that it was my Dad's mother's birthday and that we couldn't hang out (which we couldn't)

So now, all that's left of ALL of that chocolate is a big half pound bar of Hersheys...which I sealed with a note and a ribbon to give to her at school tomorrow. I feel horrible because I ate all of that chocolate...BUT I am proud because I didn't eat birthday cake or ice cream, and only ate a small Mcdonalds fries on the way to Topeka.

But if I want to keep fitting into that shirt, or even fitting into it better, I've gotta get my groove thing on and do the damn thing.

The problem, is those darn miniature snack bags of chocolate that they have. Their so inticing. With their small sizes......they think they're sooo cute. You eat one, and you promise yourself that's ALL. But...then...you find the bag has magically reopened itself on your desk and another mini chocolate has popped out and then into your mouth.

*sigh*

Just know that I'm still working at it, and will get to my goal eventually.

Promise.

-J-